"We people are the same, from a common ancestry we end up following our predilections and spreading out in the four directions. When we have scattered far enough we start to forget ourselves...forgetting this becomes the cause of fighting, struggling and even killing each other. Yet we really are one people; we are all relatives, brothers and sisters." Awjarn Pu ChahWhy I became a monk: thoughts and quotes from my notebook
At home it is considered a retreat...but it is really a lot of work. Trying to control your mind, it is harder work than any job I've ever had. Try for a second to sit in your seat and empty your mind, concentrate on your breath...breathe...breathe. Trying to control your mind from thinking, from not jumping from one thought to next, from the past to future is like like tying to train a monkey to sit in one place.
Sometimes i think people see becoming a monk, a wandering ascetic, a park ranger : ) as running away from the world or running away from their problems...but it is just the opposite. It is stopping to face them; to look at the importance of our life, to look at impermanence, to try and find out what makes us suffer, to find what is it that creates meaning in our life. It is an effort to get away from the things that occupy us, that make us not bored, that entertain us and keep us away from reflecting at ourselves and our lives. For me, it was not to be by myself and get away but do find away to reconnect with everything. And that is one of the reasons I love Buddhism is that everything is interconnected, interdependent...the tree, the air, the river, our lives, nature, the dhamma.
My favorite part is waking up early, 4:30, putting on my robe, lighting the candles/incense at the Buddha's shrine and then beginning the 30 min walk through the rice fields to the nearest village to collect alms while the sunrises.
I have practiced meditation, read a lot books by different teachers about Buddhism, been on meditation retreats before but often my practice tends to fall behind other priorities- friends, work, studies, relationships, sports, etc...So I wanted to take this time out to really just focus on my practice and to meditate and to not have other distractions. There is a little tiny puppy at the first house out of the temple on our way to the village to collect alms that loves to play with my feet and nip at my robes. She normally follows us for about 5 minutes before turning back
Another part of it was to have some closure to my experience in Thailand and reconnect with my Thai family. When I found I was going to Thailand initially I was really excited to be going to a Buddhist country and being able to see temples and be a part of it...so it was also the way I wanted to end my time here...to explore it deeper. It also was a way to honor my Thai family here. Most men become monks for a short time to both learn about Buddhism and make merit for their family, the latter ends up being more dominant for them. So it was a way to honor my community as well.
It is a different feeling going to the same wooden village temple but instead of paying respect to the monks sitting on the other side and staring at the lay people. Their chants are so beautiful, and they give so much (money, food and time) I feel honored and hope that my practice is good enough in return...I know they are not expecting anything for me but I expect from myself it has been hard to let that go.
Life as a monk:
At the forest temple that I was at there was only two other monks besides myself so I had a lot of my own time. Basically my daily schedule was:
4:30 waking up, chanting, going for alms, 7:30 breakfast, cleaning, sitting/walking meditation, 11:00 lunch (you can't eat after 12), Read Dhamma, rest, 14:00 teach meditation to kids, clean, yoga, 19:00 teach meditation to kids, 21:00 sitting meditation, 22:00 prepare for bed.
The forest temple I was at does a lot of Buddhist trainings for schools around the area and this time there was a group of 20 boys who got in trouble for drugs who were at the forest for 15 days and so I taught them twice a day. Often times, there was little ceremonies that I had to go to: merit making for ancestors, wedding, funeral, monk ordination...It is hard to stay mindful and concentrating on nothing all the time. Especially between 2 and 4 pm when it is hot
It was a little hard to adjust to the different way people treated you, all of sudden people who I would always have to wai first, would kneel down to talk to me. Kids who I normally play with would wai me and be very polite and nervous when talking to me.
Am I lonely? Why would I be? I have a spider that sleeps near me, a tree frog that showers with me, two dogs that like to walk with me, crickets, cicadas and geckos that like to sign to me all night and a million stars that watch over me.
At times, it was also a little depressing because the main theme of Buddhism is that we suffer, and we suffer because we are attached to ourselves so to understand that one has to reflect a lot on death and impermanence. Sometimes it was hard and sad to reflect on dying and knowing that everything we love will eventually leave you but I feel like it is important to reflect on that as well. It helps keep what is important to you near by, and on the opposite side of death is life and everything goes together...but sometimes it was hard.
The mornings have been crisp and beautiful...I'm loving it but the other monk sighs every morning and says 'it's even colder this morning than last morning,' every morning.
The villagers have been so happy and supportive of me. When they saw I finally knew how to put on the robes (it took me a few days) they said how handsome I was. When I first memorized the blessings, they were shocked and said how I could now speak, Thai, Lao and Pali. Also , a few of the old ladies have been putting white bread and plain rice as alms because they are worried that I can't eat sticky rice. So cute.
Near the end of my time a high up Abbott in the region wanted me to stay at his temple for a few days so I was monk-napped and stayed with him for awhile. He took me to a big funeral ceremony for an Abbott that had passed away. There I got to really feel what the community of monks was like. It was a glimpse of freshness in a culture that often make the men alcoholics and womanizers to meet so many men that have given up women, drinking to devout themselves to truth and nature.
At the end of the funeral they burned the casket. Staring at the flames I felt death, it did not feel sorrowful but natural "If your job is to plant a tree your responsible for finding a shovel, digging a hole, planting the tree, watering the tree, that is it. Your job is not to try to make it grow faster, or to try and make it's fruits ripen sooner. If you think that you it is your job too you will be stressed out trying to make the tree grow and doing the other's job. However, they are connected if you do the planting carefully and correctly the tree will grow well and the fruit will come." Awjarn Pu Chah
During the last month I planted some good seeds in my heart and will try to continue to water them. It reminded me of my morality and what kind of person I strive to be, having right understanding, livelihood, speech, effort, actions etc. It feels a little weird after giving up the robes and being in Bangkok around so much stimulus but the great thing about trying to practice mindfulness is that you can do it anywhere and the more distractions that are around you the more teachers you have. So I will sit, stand, run but continue to breathe and focus on each breath.
I send my loving kindness to each and everyone of you, everyday,
Noah
